Well, I was taking this vacation on the shores of Malibu,
I met a plastic surgeon on the beach,
I didn't wanna be a patient,
It was all that I could do to keep my nose beyond the scalpel's reach.

He said, 'Lend me your face to haunt a house,
Put a bag right over your sweet head,
The doctor slapped your mother on the day that you were born,
And he used a slingshot when you needed fed,
You're coyote ugly,
I'd rather chew my arm than spend a weekend in your company,
Lend me your face to haunt a house, 'cause I ain't interested in beauty I can't see.'

He was tanner, he was thinner, he was total Hollywood,
He said that he'd take off all my warts,
Well, I'm not a pageant winner when it comes to looking good,
But you should see the inside of my heart.

He said, 'Lend me your face to haunt a house,
Put a bag right over your sweet head,
Well, the doctor slapped your mother on the day that you were born,
He used a slingshot when you needed fed,
You're coyote ugly,
I'd rather chew my arm than spend a weekend in your company,
Lend me your face to haunt a house; I ain't interested in beauty I can't see.'

He said, 'Lend me your face to haunt a house,
Put a bag right over your sweet head,
The doctor slapped your mother on the day that you were born,
He used a slingshot when you needed fed,
You're coyote ugly,
I'd rather chew my arm than spend a weekend in your company,
Lend me your face to haunt a house, 'cause I ain't interested in beauty I can't see.'

Oh, Surfing USA.