Now, if I were a politician I'd want you on my ticket,
If I were a hunter I'd want you in my thicket,
And if I were a brain surgeon you'd be inside my knife,
If I were a gambling man you'd be inside my dice.

I'm as selfish as a schoolboy enamoured with his prick,
Now my life is like a handgun, and the hammer just went click.

Now if I were a writer I'd want you in my pen,
If I were a junkie I'd want you in my syringe,
And if I sold magic potions you'd be inside my vial,
If I were on death row you'd be inside my file.

I'm as selfish as a schoolboy enamoured with his prick,
Now my life is like a handgun, and a hammer just went click.

Now if I were a seamstress I'd want you in my Singer,
If I were a safecracker, darling, want you in my fingers,
If I robbed a 7-Eleven you would be my faulty alarm,
If I were a fornicator, be inside my condom.

I'm as selfish as a schoolboy enamoured with his prick,
Now my life is like a handgun, and a hammer just went click.

I believe I see this lie coursing through this world of yours and mine,
I've been breathing it in like atmosphere, I've been drinking it down like wine,
It says "all you need is love", and you can be the judge of it,
Tastes okay for a little while, but then I wake up choking on my vomit.

Something help me see just how worthless,
Something help me excavate deep below the surface,
Something help me drown, Lord, in your river of blood and grace,
I know that I'm leprous, but hold me anyway.

I'm as selfish as a schoolboy enamoured with his prick,
Now my life becomes a handgun,
Life becomes a handgun,
Life is like a handgun, and a hammer just went click.

Handgun.