Well, there's this fellow that I know; he lives not very far away from here,
Well, he's got a magic haircut and he wears all the right kind of gear,
He's handsome and he's 6'2 ' there's not a girl that wouldn't like to meet him,
But the problem seems to be: if he had two buns, he'd eat 'em.

Well, there's this lassie that I know, she's gonna be a major heartbreaker,
Ifs she's looking for a date there's a queue of fellows waiting for to take her,
Ah, she's clever with the lads and know exactly how she's gonna treat 'em,
And it seems a fair conclusion: if she had two buns, she'd eat 'em.

Well, I'm not saying don't take care of yourself, and I'm not saying don't have fun,
But you must admit there's something mighty sad about someone who's only looking out for number one.

Well, I'm not saying don't take care of yourself, and I'm not saying don't have fun,
But you must admit there's something mighty sad about someone who's only looking out for number one.

Well, there's this couple that I've known awhile; we must be seven years or more acquainted,
But they're always going on about the furniture and how their house is painted,
When they turn up at my place, I'm never sure just how I'm meant to greet 'em,
And, the truth of it be told, if they had two buns, they'd eat 'em.