there's something very funny going on here
yes there is something very strange that's going down
i've got this real uneasy feelin' in my stomach most of the time
and usually it gets worse when you're around

now i know you are my ever-lovin' baby
yes i know that you would never do me wrong
so i hope that you won't take offense
but i've got to ask you some questions, darlin'
because there's something most unusual goin' on

for instance
how come i can't see you in my mirror'
how come you never come around here 'cept at night'
how come you won't say where your family lives
and you always look so pale'
how come you've got that crazy look there in your eyes'

now lately babe, you smell just like a basement
and your wardrobe's down to strictly black and red
sometimes at night i can see you down on the pavement sneakin' around
come to think of it, when do you go to bed'

now i ain't one to go and start no rumors
no i ain't never used a poison pen
but i don't much care for the way
you tend to pick your teeth out in public baby
or the way you're always starin' at my neck

so tell me
how come i can't see you in my mirror'
how come you never come around here in the day'
how come you start to hiss when i say my prayers
and you wear those stupid capes
and every time you see a cross, you run away'
hey, what'd you say your name was anyway'