gather 'round people gonna tell you a tale
'bout the time that the clocks all quit and the government failed
back when the agents tracked all the postmen down
and they found all they needed to know in the second class mail
and then hauled off everyone 'cept for me and a couple of friends
they forgot in the nottingham jail

now that jailer, he saw all the smoke in the air
and he wished he was there 'stead of inside watching our cell
so we said, "go do your share, we ain't goin' nowhere"
he agreed, grabbed his gun with a smile and then wished us all well
'fore he got to his care, we had but through the bats
snuck outside and sat back just to watch till the curtain fell

now the first thing i noticed when we hit the street was the seventh fleet
they was cruisin' the center of town
no one seemed real clear 'bout who had sent them there
but they sure looked grand with the band, the balloons and the clowns
and the played "anchors away" for the rest of the day
'cept the times that they'd lower their guns and shoot some renegade down

yes and john the baptist and uncle sam
they were carryin' the plans for some new kind of object of faith
when this renegade band with their guns in their hands
stopped them both and demanded a look in the top secret case
but just in the nick of time those renegades were stricken blind
by a low flying plane with no name and no number to trace

but just the same john lost his head and he said he was going to run
but someone held him down and sam tied up his hands
he cried out to his boss but he couldn't get across 'cause the lines were all down
and the crowd cheered him on from the stands
but he finally did get away
you can see him today, he sells silver plates and still waits for the boss to call back

and attila the hun and his austrian son
left their hideout in rio to fly out and relive the past
sam he showed 'em around when they got into town
but he warned 'em the rules had been changed since they'd played the game last
ol' attila just grinned and winked at his friend
i forget what went down after that, it all happened so fast

yes it was lookin' real bad, any luck that we'd had
had been lost in the park after dark when the army arrived
they was sweeping the town chasing renegades down
there were no friends to found, there was no place at all left to hide
and the austrian son he was having some fun
he'd been put in command of all the camps and his prisoners all died'

meanwhile
way across town
in the penthouse suite of the tallest building
the boss was asleep when he heard such a clatter
he sprang from his bed just to see what was the matter
he looked down on the street and that scene filled his eyes
but you know he wasn't even surprised

he just got on the phone and he ordered thunder
some lightning and disk blades (to plow it all under)
someone asked why; with a sigh he explained
that the fools was up doin' it again

meanwhile, back on the street:

this clown in a gown and fur hat with tattoos on his shoulders
comes over and whispers, "it's gonna be all right"
he says he's a personal friend of the boss
and then asks if we've got any sheep he can sacrifice later that night
we said "no" he said "oh" and then wandered off
chanting some strange sounding language and waving his wand at the sky

sam and attila were gettin' their fill of the action and danger
they'd burned every manger in town
and ol' john's eyes were hazy; he must have gone crazy
he was runnin' around tryin' to drown everybody he found
yes and the austrian son was still having his fun
launching v-2s at anything moving or making a sound

bright and early next morning without any warning
the sky opened up and the boss stuck his head through the clouds
the army and navy they opened up fire
but he grabbed him that lightning and laid them all under the ground
sam jumped up to salute; the boss said "that's real cute
but it's a little bit late 'cause i've seen what's been going down"

sam said "you've got it all wrong; it's them that you want and not me
can't you see that that's attila and the austrian kid'"
the boss said "yes that's true but i also want you
do you think that i'm blind' do you think you could keep yourself hid'"
and just then the clown in the gown hit the ground and started kissing his feet
but he stepped on his tongue and said "who is this kid'"